What makes the difference between the women who 'have it all' - and those who spend years wondering why it isn't happening for them?

According to a world-renowned therapist, it isn't luck or talent, or even hard work alone. It comes down to habits - eight of them.

Marisa Peer has spent more than four decades working with Olympic athletes, A-list celebrities, royalty and top CEOs - and discovering what it is that sets them apart.

And in her new book Your Mind, Your Rules, published by Steven Bartlett's FlightStory Books in partnership with Penguin, she reveals what she says are the habits anyone can use 'to get the life they actually want'.

Marisa, the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), which combines hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Cognitive Behavioural therapy, and neuroscience, said: 'Most books about success are written for business.

'But these habits work for everything - your relationship, your health, your finances. Having it all isn't a fantasy. It is a skill set.

'I have a great marriage, a beautiful relationship with my daughter and grandchild, and a business I love. And I apply these habits every single day. That is not a coincidence.'

'You can have it all,' she added. And it starts with knowing you are worth it.'

Here, drawing on her new book, Peer reveals the eight habits that separate those who make it from those who only wish they had.

Do what you dislike on your way to success

Everyone I know who has succeeded has had to do something they dislike. Almost anything you wish to say yes to will require you to say no to something. 

If you want a six-pack you must say yes to a lot of physical training, while saying no to carbs, alcohol and junk food. 

Likewise, if you want to be a well-known chef, you must say yes to spending your early career working long anti-social hours on a basic salary, while saying no to office hours. 

And even if you do open your own restaurant, you still have to do the jobs you don't want to do in order to achieve the thing you really want: being the chef in your own restaurant.

Do what you dislike first

When you delay doing the thing you dislike, it hangs over you all day and often gets rescheduled. 

If you have to make a difficult call, talk to your bank, have a difficult conversation with a co-worker or complete a difficult task, get into the habit of always doing this first. 

Once you've done it, you will feel like a winner all day and become far more productive.

Act every day in the direction of your goals

Acting every day in pursuit of your goals on your way to success sounds arduous, but it's not. 

It's based on the principle that while you are moving towards success, if you do just one thing every day you'll feel like a winner who's on the right track.

On your day off or weekend off, do one thing, such as watching a YouTube tutorial related to your business, sending a few emails, or making just one call you have been delaying. 

One of my clients, a professional athlete, read that Michael Jordan trained on Christmas Day, so he decided to train twice on Christmas Day to claim his place in the success club.

Bounce back - and see every no as a not yet

Most people who've made it have encountered huge rejection along the way, but they decided to bounce back like a big rubber ball. 

They decide to hear a denial as a delay instead. Rather than outright rejection, they choose to hear, 'My product isn't quite right for you. It needs a little work, or a different distributor or agent' – and they keep going.

Delay gratification

Humans are wired to work and then to take the rewards they've worked for. Today, some of us get rewards for doing no work at all, but it doesn't feel very motivating. 

To succeed, you must learn to delay gratification and also to schedule everyday things as rewards.

For example, after I've made a difficult call, I'll make a delicious coffee or schedule a chat with a friend. 

Before I enjoy lunch or dinner, I'll do something I've been delaying. I will complete that task, then give myself a reward.

The ability to delay gratification isn't a fixed trait, but rather a skill that can be learnt and developed through experience and environmental factors, and once you learn to implement it your work life can improve.

Tell people you're good

One of the biggest blocks to succeeding in business is believing you aren't enough, not deserving, not worth it, not talented enough, not qualified enough, and so forth. 

Imposter syndrome, self-sabotage and procrastination all stem from the feeling of not-enough-ness.

You must get over your reluctance to tell people what you're good at. After all, we prefer the doctor or teacher or pilot who says, 'I'm the best; you are in good hands with me.' It's deeply reassuring and not all about bragging. 

In fact, bragging is the opposite of the quiet reassurance that comes from knowing you're good at your skill Bragging says, 'I'm not good, but I'm doing my best to convince you because I've not managed to convince myself.'

Grow your praise muscle

In the world today, many of us work for ourselves or remotely, without a boss to notice our skills or metaphorically pat us on the back and say, 'Well done, you handled that situation successfully.' 

We lack a boss to give us a progress report and help us expand towards success, so we must do it ourselves. 

To that end, we should tell ourselves things like: 'You did a great job, you handled your client so well. You were on fire today, you were amazing. The words coming out of your mouth were perfect and the resolution you found to that problem was so impressive.'

Imagine you have a praise muscle: if it's never used, it'll just wither away and atrophy, so get comfortable praising yourself. 

If that feels unfamiliar, take a minute to think of the words you'd like a great boss to say to you and then say them out loud to yourself, remembering that your mind can't tell the difference between you saying it and your boss saying it.

Become highly self-motivated

People who make it, learn not to depend on others for motivation; they learn to motivate themselves. 

We often wait to be motivated before beginning a task, but this is a major mistake as motivation only appears after action.

I often don't feel at all motivated to go to the gym, tidy up my house or sit down and write. 

However, I make myself do it, and soon after starting, motivation shows up and helps me along. 

I sometimes say to myself, 'I'll just exercise for fifteen minutes today', or 'I will only spend fifteen minutes on my manuscript.'

However, once I've started, I find the motivation to keep going. Motivation often appears after you act, so you must always take the first step by becoming self-motivated and then you will find you can build additional skills of discipline, application and execution as they all kick in after you start to take action. 

Your Mind, Your Rules by Marisa Peer is published by FlightStory in partnership with Penguin, priced £20. Available now at www.marisapeer.com.