Anyone who has experience of the modern dating scene would agree: it’s complicated. Between ghosting, breadcrumbing, situationships and the endless scroll of dating apps, many women feel like they’re stuck in a loop of almost-relationships that never quite go anywhere.

It’s unsurprising, therefore, that relationship coach Sami Wunder has gained attention for her claim that she can help women go from casual dating to a proposal in as little as 90 days. 

On her website she says she helps ‘high-achieving, successful women attract and keep healthy relationships’ with ‘over 1,000 success stories’. On YouTube, she has gained more than 47,000 subscribers thanks to her dating advice videos.

Things weren’t always so bright for Wunder, however – when she first moved from India to Germany during her university years, she recalls seriously struggling with relationship issues. 

‘I came to study my master‘s in public policy on a full scholarship from the German government. I have always been the smart, hard-working, high-achieving woman,’ explains Wunder. But while things were going well academically, her love life was less than rosy, as she consistently failed to find the kind of commitment she was looking for.

‘For a long time, I kept blaming my bad dating experiences on men. My umbrella explanation was that men are intimidated by smart, successful women, and so one day it would just work out,’ she says. Her thought pattern is a familiar one – work hard, be impressive and eventually love will fall into place – but it simply didn’t seem to be getting the results Wunder wanted.

The turning point came after a short but intense relationship. ‘After two months of dating, [the man] said to me, Sami, you‘re a wonderful woman, but I think you really need to work on receiving love.’ It wasn’t exactly the feedback she wanted to hear, especially not while being broken up with, but it did hit home. 

‘I had a choice that day,’ says Wunder: to become ‘that woman who focuses on her career’ instead of relationships, or to study how to make a relationship work like it was her career.

What followed was a deep dive into understanding attraction, connection and commitment – not just reading books, but applying what she learned in real life. ‘I dived in like I meant business,’ says Wunder. ‘I went on this incredible journey of inner transformation, understanding how attraction and human connection and commitment actually work.’

Not long after that, she met her now husband, with whom she has a happy marriage and two children. She also started building a business, sharing what she had learnt with other high-flying women. Wunder’s approach is structured, direct and, at times, controversial – but according to the video testimonials on her website, it does get results.

As for the headline claim of getting engaged in 90 days, Wunder is careful to clarify: it’s not about forcing a proposal from just anyone, and for some women, the end goal might simply be ‘securing a committed, loving partnership,’ rather than a ring on the finger. 

She has, however, helped clients ‘go from casual dating into getting the proposal as fast as 90 days‘. Here’s how…

According to Wunder, many women avoid stating their true desires – especially if that desire is marriage. In fact, they might have become so disenchanted with the whole dating scene, they don’t even know what their ultimate goal is any more.

This is where some self-reflection is necessary. ‘The most important step is to get clear about what you want,’ says Wunder. ‘We are afraid of owning what we want,’ she says – and, if the answer is marriage, women ‘are afraid of being too needy… too old school‘.

As a result, many women downplay their intentions in the early stages of dating, go along with casual set-ups and hope things evolve. Wunder believes that’s a mistake. Instead you need to work out exactly what it is you’re after, then own it right from the start.

‘You want to vet fast for what the other person is looking for, straight away during your dating app interaction or at latest on the first date,’ says Wunder.

Don’t dance around the subject, she advises, but instead ask the person: ‘What is it that you're looking for right now?’ According to Wunder, most people will answer honestly if you’re brave enough to ask. And if they say they want something casual, believe them. 

‘A lot of women think that they can be the exception,’ she says, ’but that's not usually how it rolls.’

Despite her emphasis on intentional dating, Wunder is not anti-dating apps. ‘Dating apps are here to stay; almost 70 per cent of my clients meet their partners online,’ she says.

However, according to Wunder, most people are using the apps badly. ‘You're chatting with a stranger till 2am, you‘re sending hot pics, you are over-investing in a stranger, and then you‘re saying dating apps don't work,’ she remonstrates. 

Instead her advice is not to over-text, move to real-life meetings quickly and be clear about your intentions – you don’t need a pen pal.

One of the biggest pitfalls Wunder sees is women entering exclusive relationships too quickly, and then staying in them indefinitely.

‘Millions of women find themselves saying yes quickly to exclusivity and then, one or two years in, they’re still waiting for the proposal and it’s never going to come,’ she says.

Her solution to this is not to rush exclusivity – and certainly don’t agree to it within the first 90 days. In fact, for the first three months, she advises:

• No exclusivity
• No sex
• No putting all your emotional energy into one person

It‘s a stark contrast to how most modern dating unfolds. Instead, one of Wunder’s recommendations is what she calls ‘rotational dating’.

‘You want to keep your options open,’ she says. ‘You've got to experience different kinds of men, and only the best man will win.’ However, Wunder is very clear on one thing: ‘This is not about sleeping around. Rotational dating is not rotational sleeping about.’ 

Instead, think coffee dates, walks, museums; getting to know multiple people without over-investing too quickly. ‘All men are rotational dating,’ she adds. ‘They're not going to call it that, but they keep their options open.’

As for the no sex rule, Wunder’s argument is that early intimacy can fast-track emotional attachment, often before genuine compatibility is established. For example, one of her clients slept with a man after two weeks, only to be ghosted immediately after. 

‘It completely destroyed her sense of self-esteem, she felt like a total wreck,’ recalls Wunder. You have to think: ‘Are we doing dopamine dating… or are we doing intentional dating?’

In fairness to Wunder, she does practise what she preaches. When she met her now husband and he asked her to become exclusive, she said: ‘I'm not willing to be any man's girlfriend. I am ready to be wife.’

It didn't immediately have the desired effect. ‘I think he went silent on me for three days,‘ she says. ‘They were very difficult – I was like, did I mess this up?’ 

However, she held her ground, thinking, ‘If he steps out, then he‘s not the one for me.’ Three days later, he came back – curious, not scared off – and they were engaged within nine months.

Another controversial stance of Wunder’s is her belief that you shouldn’t move in together before engagement. Her reason is that cohabiting without commitment lowers the stakes. 

‘Couples will very often use the first few signs of conflict to check out,’ she says. Once you’ve made the commitment to marry, however, your relationship will have more resilience. ‘The level of patience and commitment is much higher when you've put the ring on the finger,’ she says.

Wunder may have strong views on sharing accommodation – but she’s also very much against over-accommodation, particularly from women.

‘Women are just designed to please,’ she says. ‘I think it‘s the most unattractive quality in a woman when she shows up being pleasing.’ 

Instead, she says, the ultimate attractive trait is clarity and self-respect or, as she puts it, ‘your ability to be honest about what works for you, and not being over-accommodating’.

Wunder’s advice for new relationships may all sound well and good – but what if you’re already well into the ‘forever girlfriend’ trap and not sure how to get out of it? Unsurprisingly, her approach is again to be direct about what you want. If marriage is important to you, have an honest conversation with your partner, and tell them this very clearly.

‘Say “Marriage and family is important to me. Do you have a plan for us in this direction?”’ says Wunder. In her opinion even if you don’t get the answer you want to hear, it’s still better to know the truth.

One client of hers was a woman who had been in a seven-year relationship, constantly waiting for a proposal. ‘Her boyfriend turned to her and said “I'm never going to marry you”,’ says Wunder. Less than a year later, with Wunder’s help, that woman was engaged to someone else.

At its core, her philosophy challenges a deeply ingrained belief: that love should just ‘happen’. Instead, she treats it like something you can learn and to some extent control – which might be empowering for some, even if for others it seems to remove some of the magic of falling in love. 

At a time when many relationships drift without direction, Wunder’s message is clear: know what you want, and don’t settle for less.