Sacked by David Cameron this summer, ex-Cabinet minister Owen Paterson is poised to become leader of the disaffected Tory Right. 

Former party donor Lord Ashcroft, who has commissioned a candid biography of the Prime Minister, was in the audience for Paterson's anti-EU speech yesterday, hosted by Business for Britain, a 1,000-strong Eurosceptic campaign group. 

Is Paterson readying a leadership bid if Cameron stumbles? 'Almost certainly,' says a Tory source.

With US comic Bill Cosby forced to cancel his Las Vegas show after rape allegations, canny pro Joan Collins, 81, who is also performing in the gambling city, spots an opening. 

She suggests to fans: 'Now that Cosby has cancelled Las Vegas, why not come and see my one-woman show?'

Have I Got News For You panellists Paul Merton and Ian Hislop wanted to repeat the televised Prime Minister's Questions exchange between David Cameron and Ed Miliband over the attack by songbird Myleene Klass on the latter. 

But, says HIGNFY producer Richard Wilson: 'The BBC wouldn't let us because there's a ban on using Parliamentary footage in satirical programmes.' A pity, but isn't the reality often beyond satire?

'UKIP is to politics what Aldi and Lidl are to supermarkets,' announces the party's first elected MP, Douglas Carswell. 'For years, British shoppers have been paying over the odds for everyday groceries. 

And because most of the retailers were at it, no one seemed to see it. Then along came Aldi and Lidl.' He failed to mention that Aldi and Lidl are German-controlled. Like the EU.

Having come under fire for patronising working-class voters with a poster highlighting cuts to bingo tax and beer duty, Tory chairman Grant Shapps describes himself on Radio 5 'as someone who loves a pint of beer and a game of bingo'. 

Disbelieving host John Pienaar: 'You do love a game of bingo?' Shapps: 'I do!' I await a snap of Shapps playing bingo, a pint of beer in hand.

Bette Midler tells the Jewish Chronicle she wouldn't want to start out as a singer today, adding: 'The music business is so treacherous and crowded. 

There's people who can barely sing – but that doesn't stop them. I was listening to one today – who shall remain nameless – and I thought, 'How does she have the b***s to open her mouth?' It defies belief.' To whom does Bette refer? 'I'm afraid we're spoiled for choice,' says my showbiz source.

The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh were represented by the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall at the memorial service for Winston Churchill's daughter, Mary Soames. Camilla's ex-husband, Andrew Parker Bowles, represented the Princess Royal, to whom he has long been close. Two questions occurred to my source: 'Who'd have thought Camilla would one day represent the Queen? Isn't it time cavalry officer Andrew Parker Bowles – a former Silver Stick-in-Waiting to the Queen – was honoured for his service to Anne?'