What do you do when you feel like you're not a priority in any of your relationships? You're at the bottom of the totem pole. Yet, you're constantly prioritizing others (even above yourself).

My husband, Duck, has been prioritizing our shared partner, Raven, since we've all started dating nearly six months ago. I understand, it's new and exciting and you're in love and the NRE is flowing.
Our relationship is hierarchical, which works well for us since Raven is solo poly and doesn't expect any escalations. Duck has always promised me that me and our family will come first. Yet I feel like this is out of duty and less out of love lately.

There's nothing for me that feels special lately. If we go to a fancy bar or restaurant, he takes Raven there a few weeks later. If I ask for some pretty lingerie, he feels the need to buy her some as well. He even asked me which designs of some spanking paddles I'd like, but instead bought two that suit her style instead. And they're definitely having sex more than we are.

To top it all off, I'm constantly being criticized for every thing I do or say. I feel like I can't do anything right. I'm just not feeling loved or wanted by my husband lately.

This, of course, impacts my own relationship with Raven. I absolutely love being with her and feel like I can lean on her for a lot of things. Except this, obviously. It's hard not to feel jealous or like I'm competing.

Meanwhile, Finch has never had the same dose of NRE with me as I do with him. I feel great when it's just the two of us together, even if it's us and Raven it's fine. But put us with our local kink group and I'm constantly feeling jealous by the other women who flirt with him. He just loves the attention.

If you've read my latest journal entry, you'd know that I'm anticipating Finch and I ending our relationship soon. In the meantime I've been taking any opportunity I can to spend time with him and build some happy memories. I put a lot of energy into this relationship that isn't reciprocated.

Duck and I also have two small children together, which obviously takes a lot of energy as well. Lately I've been putting Duck's needs and wants before my own (e.g., letting him do two hour workout sessions for his mental health, woodworking on a project he's making for Raven, etc.) while I spend a lot of time parenting.

I know the real answer here is to prioritize myself. But to me, my relationships are what are fulfilling. I don't put as much time into my hobbies as I used to simply because I don't have the time (or energy) to do so. My neurodivergence makes me pour my energy into one thing at a time, and I'm not willing to neglect my relationships for something else right now.

I'm sad and burnt out. I just want to feel special to someone.

Would love to hear anyone else's experiences or feedback.