Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and live with my father, a brother, and my stepmother. My stepmother does not work. My father works for the city; he is very hardworking and does not squander his money. One of my brothers is working and helps me by paying for me to go back to school.

My stepmother does not like me and is always spreading lies about me. She told my father he should prepare for me to bring home a belly because she claims I have been having sex with different men and that she heard me on the phone with them. That is a complete lie — I do not even have a boyfriend. I could ask my father for anything and he would give it to me; I am his only daughter. He has two other children but my stepmother does not want him to support them because she wants everything for herself. She also hates seeing my father and me talking alone and will ask, “What kind of secret do the both of you have that you have to talk privately?”

My father does not believe anything she says about me, which bothers her. I am not a bad girl, but she is always going through my room and digging up my clothes. I have asked her please not to interfere with my things. I do not trust her around my underwear — they cannot fit her, so what is she looking for?

She told my father that I am old enough to move out on my own, but my father told her that, if I have to leave, she will have to leave too. Why does she hate me so much? When I first came to live here, she wanted me to wash her panties and I refused. My mother taught me that every woman should wash her own underwear unless she is ill and cannot manage, so she has held that against me ever since.

My brothers have stood up for me and my father knows she is a liar. I would like to become a nurse. Sometimes when this woman spreads lies and then cooks, I refuse to eat her food because I am afraid she might poison me. Tell me what I should do.

A.

Dear A.,

You are fortunate to have a father who has confidence in you, and it is very sad that your stepmother is always lying about you. That is how some stepmothers are — they do not always like their stepdaughters. On the other hand, there are some stepmothers who live happily with their stepdaughters, loving and caring for them. God bless such stepmothers.

Your stepmother has never respected you. There are certain requests she should never have made, and you had every right to refuse to wash her underwear — she was completely out of order. Focus on your future and do not allow what she says to pull you down.

Pastor