Emma Heming Willis is speaking out about the unexpected guilt she felt on her 50th birthday.

The former model turned 50 in June, but shared that reaching the milestone brought up some complicated emotions. As the primary caregiver for her husband, Bruce Willis, she admits she just wasn’t in a celebratory headspace.

During a recent appearance on Hoda Kotb’s Making Space podcast, Emma said that she almost let the day pass without doing anything. It took some convincing from a friend, who warned her she would look back and regret ignoring her 50th, to finally change her mind.

She compromised with a small get-together that included friends, tacos, and margaritas. The “lovely, intimate night” also happened to land on the exact same night the New York Knicks won the NBA Championship.

“I would say about 98% of the people there were Knicks fans, so that was fantastic,” Emma said. “And it was a great celebration.”

But even with a room full of loved ones, she still wrestled with the decision.

“I think guilt is something that I am always carrying, but I’ve learned that it is really not helpful,” she told Kotb. She ultimately found peace with the decision by thinking about what her husband would want for her. She knows the Die Hard actor would want her to have a “big fun bash” and celebrate life with her friends and family.

The Willis family first went public with Bruce’s aphasia diagnosis in 2022. By early 2023, doctors confirmed his condition had progressed to frontotemporal dementia (FTD).

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, FTD is caused by nerve cell damage in the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain. That damage leads to noticeable changes in a person’s behavior, empathy, personality, and language abilities. And unlike Alzheimer’s, which is usually linked to older age, FTD occurs much earlier in life. Most patients receive a diagnosis between their 40s and early 60s.

In addition to the physical symptoms, Bruce also deals with anosognosia, a neurological symptom where a person’s brain can’t recognize that they have a health condition.

“I think that’s like the blessing and the curse of this, is that he never connected the dots that he had this disease, and I’m really happy about that. I’m really happy that he doesn’t know about it,” Emma shared during an appearance on the Conversations with Cam podcast earlier this year.

Emma shares two daughters, 14-year-old Mabel and 12-year-old Evelyn, with Bruce. The actor also shares three adult daughters with his ex-wife, Demi Moore.

In her new book, The Unexpected Journey: Finding Strength, Hope, and Yourself on the Caregiving Path, she opens up about how isolating the initial diagnosis felt. She recalled doctors handing her a pamphlet and sending her family out the door without any real guidance or support. That missing safety net forced her to track down specialists on her own so she could keep her family afloat.

Looking back on a challenging few years, Emma called her 40s a “doozy” on Kotb’s podcast. Now, as she enters this next chapter, she’s looking forward to entering her 50s with a lot more confidence.