By Dan Savage - Mar. 3, 2025

By Joanna Malinowska from Warsaw, Poland - Orange, lemon and grapefruit slices, CC0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=70647459

I was in bed with a woman. She asked me — a straight man — what my kinks were. I answered. I asked her the same question. She said: “I want to watch a guy fuck fruit.” 

I posted a note to my guy friends group chat and said, “This woman wants me to fuck a cantaloupe or something. Weird, right?”

Instead of support, I got recipes and suggestions. Not one of them said, “We know you wouldn’t do something like that.” Why do my friends think I’d do that?

Because your friends — none of whom you’ve fucked — somehow got the impression that you’re a more generous and indulgent fuck than you actually are.

Vanilla straight 25-year-old cis woman here whose boyfriend of almost six months just confessed that he’s into being peed on. I’m not doing it for him, and I don’t want anyone else peeing on him either. He’s agreed to give this up for me. Will that work?

Your boyfriend did not confess — kinks are not sins and consensual kink is not a crime — he disclosed his kinks before things got too serious, which was the right thing to do. If you’re repulsed by his kink and require monogamy, choosing to be with you means your boyfriend won’t get to act on his kink. But if being with you means being made to feel terrible about himself — if you’re going to heap disgust and shame on him — your boyfriend is eventually gonna choose being single (and not being made to feel terrible about himself all the time) over being with you.

P.S. We don’t choose our kinks, our kinks choose us — and after a pitcher of beer, piss is just hot water.

Do cis men — gay or not — ever use a Hitachi-style “wand” vibrator on the prostate, or is it too intense?

I’ve seen them do it with my very own eyes.

If my boyfriend’s husband isn’t my type, should I feel okay declining a threesome request?

If your boyfriend and his husband were “we only play together” types, you would’ve had a threesome with them already. If fucking boyfriend’s husband wasn’t a requirement at the start, I don’t think you’re obligated to start fucking your boyfriend’s husband now.

My wife and I are about to have our first threesome. It’s going to be me and her and this guy we found on Feeld who seems perfect. We’re taking all obvious precautions — everyone has tested, we’ve agreed that anyone can call a timeout, and we know — per your advice — that threesomes can briefly become twosomes and we’re okay with that. Anything else I should brace myself for?

Brace yourself for watching your wife kiss another man the way she kissed you when you first met. If that sounds traumatizing, you might not be ready for a threesome. If that sounds hot — if that sounds like it might inspire you and your wife to kiss each other the way you did when you first met — then you’re not just ready for your first threesome, you’re overdue.

Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan. Read more Savage Love

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