Dear Vanessa,

I'm 56, divorced and renting, and lately I've become terrified that I've left it too late to get my financial life back on track.

My divorce was finalised three years ago. We sold the family home and by the time everything was divided, debts were paid and I got myself set up again, I walked away with far less than I expected.

I have a decent job and some retirement savings, but I don't own a home anymore. I'm paying rent every month and watching property prices while wondering how I could possibly buy again on one income.

What makes it worse is looking around at my friends. Most are married, own their homes and are starting to talk about retirement, renovations and travel. I feel like everyone else is moving forward while I've gone backwards.

Part of me thinks I should try to buy a small apartment. Another part thinks taking on a mortgage again in my late 50s could make things worse.

I'm embarrassed to admit how much this worries me. I worked my whole adult life and never imagined I'd be starting again at this age.

Have I left it too late? 

Michelle

Michelle, 

No - you haven't left it too late.

But I understand why it feels that way.

There's something particularly confronting about rebuilding financially in your 50s. When you're younger, starting again can feel full of possibility. In your 50s, it can feel like a countdown.

And comparison makes that feeling much worse.

You see the friend with the paid-off house. The couple planning six weeks in Europe. Someone talking casually about retiring at 60. What you don't see is their mortgage, their relationship, their retirement savings balance, the help they received from family or the financial worries keeping them awake at night.

Your financial life cannot be measured against somebody else's highlight reel.

The first thing I would do is stop treating home ownership as the only definition of financial security.

Owning a home can provide enormous security in retirement, particularly because it removes rent from the equation. But buying property simply because you feel you should own something can create a different kind of financial pressure.

There's also a practical issue to consider. Getting a mortgage in your 50s can be more difficult because lenders will often look closely at how you intend to repay the loan as you approach retirement. That doesn't mean you can't borrow, but it does mean you need to understand what is realistically available to you before building your future around buying again.

Before making that decision, you need to understand what each path looks like.

What is your retirement savings balance now? What could it realistically grow to over the next nine or ten years? What would a realistic apartment cost? What deposit could you comfortably contribute? What would the mortgage repayments be, and how would buying affect what you can continue putting towards retirement?

Then model the alternative.

What happens if you continue renting and concentrate on building your retirement savings and investments instead? What income could that potentially provide later? What government assistance might be available to you in retirement? And what would you need to allow for rent?

This is where an experienced financial adviser can be incredibly valuable. They can help you model the different scenarios - buying, continuing to rent, working longer or contributing more to your retirement savings - so you can see what each choice could mean for your future rather than deciding out of fear.

If you'd like help finding someone, you can use my free Find a Financial Adviser service here. 

But Michelle, I also want you to take the shame out of renting.

Owning a home is one way to build financial security, but it is not a measure of whether you have succeeded in life. Divorce changes the financial trajectory for many people, particularly in their 50s, and sometimes the smartest next move isn't rushing to recreate what you once had.

You have an income. You have retirement savings. You have working years ahead of you. And, importantly, you're asking these questions now rather than ignoring them for another decade.

Your goal isn't to catch up with your married friends or rebuild the exact life you thought you'd have.

It's to build a life that feels secure, affordable and good to live in, whether you ultimately own the roof over your head or rent it.

There is no shame in starting again at 56. There is no shame in renting. What matters now is making decisions that give you choices, confidence and a future you can look forward to.

You may not be where you once imagined you would be at 56, Michelle. But that doesn't mean the years ahead can't be financially secure, and very good ones.

All the best, 

Vanessa

You can subscribe to Vanessa's free newsletter here.