Should bathroom hookups become normalized outside of bar/club settings?

Part of the thrill of hooking up someplace you’re not supposed to is that you’re not supposed to be hooking up there. And while normalizing toilet hookups at bars and clubs and airports and locker rooms and hotel lobbies and university libraries might lead to a spike in people hooking up in the toilets of bars and clubs and airports, etc., normalizing toilet hookups would effectively eliminate a big part of what makes those hook ups a thrill in the first place, and people would quickly tire of them. 

If you wanna keep toilet hookups hot, you should fight against their normalization, not for their normalization.

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My partner’s wife treats him like shit. How can I support him without just saying “leave”?

Be the greener pasture.

P.S. You’re allowed to say, “leave,” of course, and that may be the message he needs to hear — but you may not be the best messenger. Also, have you seen your partner’s wife treat him like shit with your own eyes, or do you only have his word to go on? 

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I’m a cis woman in her 40s who fantasies about having a dick. Does that mean I’m trans?

There’s nothing stopping you, a cis woman, from having a dick whenever you want one. And the existence of so many trans men (who are men) who love their pussies indicates that transition, for many trans men, wasn’t motivated solely by fantasies about having male genitalia. And while trans men are relatively rare, cis women who fantasize about having a dick are fairly common. 

So, unless there are other things about being a man feels right in a way that encompasses and transcends dick at the same time, odds are good you’re experiencing something that affirms your cisness, not something that points to transness.

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Which is worse: bad sex with someone you love, or great sex with someone you can’t stand?

Bad sex with someone you love is worse… because if you love someone and the sex is bad that either means the relationship isn’t going anywhere (because you’re not gonna settle for bad sex) or it means you’re gonna be having bad sex for the rest of your life. If you had great sex with someone you can’t stand, on the other hand, you can walk away without feeling regret… and circle back whenever you’re feeling weak.

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How long do you wait at the end of a BJ before removing the D from your mouth?

If you’re giving a BJ, you’re free to remove the D from your mouth whenever you’re done — and you may finish before he does. But if someone is fucking your face (with your enthusiastic consent) then the person who’s fucking your face removes the D when they are done and not a moment before… unless something goes wrong and/or you’re not feeling it anymore, in which case you should withdraw your consent and the D should be immediately removed.

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Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan. Read more Savage Love

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