By Dan Savage - Nov. 14, 2024

It’s the morning after the election and I am sobbing for what’s to come and for what we have all lost. Then I started thinking more personally about our youngest. Born female 19 years ago, they began transitioning to male three years ago. I fear for them. My first thought was to beg them to transition back to female, seeing as they haven’t had blockers or any surgeries yet. I feel horrible that was my first thought. I want them to live their true self, but as a mom, I want to make sure they are safe. My second thought was to get their passport renewed, so if we need to get them out of the country fast, we can get them out. Thoughts?

— Super Upset Mom

I’m planning to stay and fight — at least that’s my plan for now — but I’m not going to let my passport expire. So, I fully support your plan to get your trans kid’s passport renewed, SUM. Diana Adams, Esq., who founded the Chosen Family Law Center, posted a thread the day after the election with tons of actionable advice for queer people who are rightly worried about their rights and physical safety in the wake of an election: bit.ly/LGBTresourcesBW. Adams specifically recommended that trans people like your son update their passports, Social Security records and state IDs so all have the same names and gender markers. If you need help doing that, you can find additional resources and get legal help at chosenfamilylawcenter.org.

P.S. If you’re one of the 70% of Americans who don’t have a passport … now might be a good time to get one.

In an episode of the Lovecast over the summer, you urged your listeners to share their best sex stories to take their minds off current events. This seems like a good time to share mine. Last Tuesday in British Columbia — while we watched the election results trickle in — I had a lovely first date with a prospective bisexual unicorn for me and my partner. The two of us have never had a threesome in our thirteen years together. This guy I met — a male unicorn — seems very sweet. He and my partner exchanged dick pics while I was on the date with him (hubby was at home with the kids), and knowing we were going to have a very special guest star join us this weekend made the rest of this distressing week a little more bearable.

— Scheduling Our First Threesome

Like everyone who just read your letter, SOFT, I’m jealous. Not just because you’re gonna have a threesome this weekend — although there is that — but because instead of spending last Tuesday night sitting on the couch watching election returns, you spent last Tuesday night on a date with a hot bi guy. And while you didn’t ask for advice, SOFT, I’m going to give you some.

Four quick tips for making your first MFM threesome a success from a guy who lost his virginity in an MFM threesome:

1. Every threesome becomes — at some point — a twosome. Instead of flipping out when that happens, enjoy the show for a few minutes before inserting yourself back into the action. 

2. All three of you should agree — out loud — that anyone can call a timeout at any time for any reason. And since it’s easier to bounce back from a timeout called when someone is feeling off than it is when someone is feeling hurt, you shouldn’t hesitate to call for a timeout. (And, yes, you can call a timeout if that twosome goes on too long.)

3. Be clear with each other and your very special guest star about what is and isn’t on the menu. And no reopening negotiation of the menu during the threesome.

4. While couples usually do need some time alone to decompress, discuss and check-in with each other after a threesome, hustling your very special guest star out the door immediately after it’s over is rude. If things went well, you can and should offer your very special guest star a cuddle, a shower and some ice cream. 

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