By Dan Savage - Sep. 12, 2024

Courtesy: LGBT Ireland

Am I asexual or do I just have a very low sex drive 95% of the time? How can I know for sure?

There’s no genetic test for asexuality, just as there’s no genetic test for heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality. So, while you can’t know with absolute certainty whether you’re asexual or just have a low sex drive, you’re free to embrace the asexual label if it feels right and helps you communicate with prospective romantic partners. Remember: the asexual spectrum — which runs the gamut from sex-repulsed asexuals recoiling from sex scenes in movies to asexual sluts racking up impressive body counts — is as vast as it is unfalsifiable, and you have just as much right to locate yourself on it as anyone else.

P.S. If there were prenatal genetic tests for sexual orientation, evangelical churches would open abortion clinics in their basements.

Why do so many people — even kinky ones — regard the Daddy/babygirl dynamic as hot but think Mommy/littleboy role play is disturbing?

Because people can’t stand to see middle-aged women happy and in control.

What do you do if you want to be a gay fisting top but you have really, really big hands?

Seeing as there are gay power bottoms out there literally sitting on traffic cones, finding an experienced fisting bottom capable of accommodating one or more of your really, really, really big hands shouldn’t be that hard. (For the record: I don’t doubt your hands are big, but they’re not bigger traffic cones.)

Is it bad to hold it in right as you are about to reach the point of orgasmic inevitability? 

What’s the “it” we’re talking about holding in? If the “it” is a fart, you should definitely hold it in. If the “it” is a butt plug, you should try your best to hold it in. If the “it” is a giggle, knowing how your partner feels about laughter during sex would inform your choice. And if the “it” is your load — if you’re one of those idiots practicing semen retention for its (unproven and most likely non-existent) health benefits — then holding it in is absolutely necessary, as your entire personality is based on retaining your semen. (From the Journal of Impotence Research — read it and weep, semen retaining weirdos: “Semen retention… a practice that is not supported by current literature and which has been shown to have potential adverse health effects.”)

Tips for getting someone all the way down your throat when their dick is curved?

A dick that curves downward will slide down your throat pretty easily when you’re kneeing in front of it. With a dick that curves upward, you’re either need to hang the dude you’re blowing from his ankles (so you can slide his dick down your throat) or lay them down the bed and get on top of them facing their ankles (so you can slide your throat down his dick). If that dick curves to the left or right, you’ll need to get into position opposite to the curve. 

Best way to bring up opening up a relationship?

It’s best to bring it up early — even if it’s just a hypothetical — because bringing it up after you’ve made a monogamous commitment, gotten married and had kids is going to feel like a violation. It’s not something you can unsay, and there’s a good chance you’ll wind up divorced, disowned or despised for having said it.

Email your question for the column to [email protected]. Read more Savage Love on Boulder Weekly.

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